I am alive!

Wow, I don't even know the last time I posted. I suppose I fail in the blog consistency department majorly. A lot has happened in the last 6 months. A lot that has made this one of the worst years yet. I try not to be dramatic and negative, but lately it has been hard.

In February (Feb 28th to be exact), I went skiing with the Mr., and two of my sisters. I actually was having a really good time, and doing well until the last run of the night. I lost control getting off the ski lift and went down pretty hard at the bottom of a hill. I twisted my left knee and felt a pop. I knew immediately something was wrong, even though the pain wasn't terrible. I ended up getting taken down the mountain by Ski Patrol (prob the most embarrassing moment of my years here on Earth to date). In the first aid station, they evaluated me and said I prob tore my MCL. Ok no biggie, it heals itself, i will be out of commission on mobility for a while, but it heals itself. So I see an ortho Dr. (one of the best thankfully) and he says i tore the ACL. Well i hadn't had an MRI yet, so even though he said there was only a 2% chance he was wrong i was still holding out hope. I go to Physical Therapy for a while, have the MRI and find out i tore the ACL & MCL. Tears. My lovely PT guy broke the news to me and I cried for the first of many times in PT. Tears could pretty much sum up my last 4 months. SO i had surgery May 18th on the ACL (MCL healed well for the three months) and now I am 7 weeks post surgery.

Things have been rough to say the least. Apparently my body produces a lot of scar tissue so I am not progressing in my knee bending ability very well. I got to PT 3 times a week for 1.5-2 hours and get bent in ways that should be easy but is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. It hurts so much and tears just fall. I am pretty sure I am the talk of the office, everyone knows me, has the tissues and water ready, and really has been wonderful and really nice. It is pretty embarrassing and frustrating to say the least. I am now bending at 119 degrees at my best. This is after last week when I went in for my normal "no big deal "Dr. check up and had the lovely surprise or aspiration and numbing - lets just say a needle for way too long. I don't do well with surprise procedures and pretty much had a panic attack. I did get another 10-12 degrees farther from just this procedure, but it isn't enough. I will be going into the hospital again next week for a manipulation. This is basically a general anesthesia procedure where i am asleep and they bend the heck out of my knee to break up the scar tissue. I have to stay over night after the procedure in the hospital to control the pain. Ugh! To me this is worse than the actual surgery. I have never had surgery before this, only broke a wrist in 4th grade. I had never had stitches prior to this, and now I have to spend the night in the hospital. I am scared and sad, but trying to be positive that this will help me heal and get back to normal.

You never really imagine what it is like to not use your leg and bend like you should, until you experience it. It truly gives me so much respect for people who lose their legs, or are paralyzed. It has been an eye opening experience. I should be thankful that I have my legs, can walk (sorta) and will eventually be ok.

My mom and the Mr. have been the most amazing people these past months. I have not been driving and they have been taking me every where and being my emotional rocks for me. Today I called my mom after learning the news of my manipulation, and after getting out a hello and bursting into tears she was on her way to me. Well i think this is enough of an update post for now. Not the most happy update. I wish i was talking about trips to the beach, date nights, working out, and family events (which there have been plenty of and I will get around to posting). Instead i will try to be positive, and keep thinking about the beach in August where I will hopefully be walking brace free and bending like gumbee! I know no one really reads this, maybe that's because I have only told the Mr. that I blog, but it will document my life for now, and hopefully turn into a baby blog someday! Yay! That is a thought that puts a smile on my face! Until next time.... (hopefully not another 6 months)!